I had an interesting thing happen to me the other day at this new music school that I am teaching at a couple of evenings each week. One of my students was leaving his drum lesson (his 3rd lesson so far if memory serves me) and, as he was walking out, he snidely made the comment, “Yeah, you know, my Dad was wondering how good you are.” Something about the smart ass look on his face and the way he leaned into that word “good” instantly shot to a place inside my psyche where I don’t spend a lot of time.
In a matter of milliseconds, a wave of insecurity completely covered me and I immediately doubted everything about myself and the last 30 years of my life. I doubted every gig I’ve ever played, every recording I have ever made, every moment I have experienced as a teacher, and just about every decision I have ever made in my life. That is a awful feeling to be saddled with and I have done a lot of ‘inside work’ on myself to keep from allowing this sort of all-consuming doubt to get any sort of foothold in my psyche. It’s not at all healthy… in fact, it can be a cancerous state that chokes the joy out of anything in your life very quickly.
The last time I felt this feeling about my drumming was a very long time ago. I was teaching in a more formal situation that tended to deify its instructors. Students were subtly encouraged to think that their teachers walked on water and that those pseudo-deities were totally incapable of making any mistakes, both musically and philosophically. Looking back on it now, I think there was a large amount of internal doubt going on inside the heads of every single member of this teaching staff and that God-like admiration was a validating force in the minds of each of these teachers.
It was very hard to NOT get sucked into the vortex of this dysfunction and subscribe to this practice of extreme hero worship. Honestly, who doesn’t want to be thought of as “a God among men”, right?! But the truth is that none of us are totally infallible and there isn’t a drummer on this planet who is great at everything… well, maybe except for Vinnie Colaiuta. 😉
Drummers who are Specialists, like players who concentrate their attention primarily on be-bop jazz music, have made it a point to ignore other styles of drumming and other genres of music (in this case, let’s say thrash metal drumming). That laser-like focus on a particular style lends itself to huge dividends when it comes to executing what’s needed to play that sort of music, but that concentration comes at a cost (Hint: Ask them to play a Rolling Stones song).
Drummers who are Generalists or have chosen to become a Jack-Of-All-Trades tend to be “a mile wide and an inch deep” across a wide variety of musical styles. These players may have concentrated on a few specific genres of music or styles of drumming, but on the whole, the goal for these musicians is to be able to passably play almost any style of music that they each may be asked to perform. It is how many freelance musicians tend to stay busy even in a downturn in the economy. This phenomenon may also extend itself into other areas of their life and business as well. (A handful of us can play an instrument, record the audio, edit that video, produce that podcast, and build that website all on the same day.)
The only downside to this approach comes anytime a Generalist has to play particular styles with a high level of complexity or nuance. Let’s just say that deep work inside more difficult styles of music can be an incredible challenge, if not altogether impossible, especially when you don’t get notice to thoroughly prepare ahead of time.
(Ask me sometime about the gig where I had to play with a jazz fusion artist from India and only had a day with their charts before our gig… brutal.)
In my opinion, to want another person to think of you as a God is a surefire sign that you’ve got some deep-seeded insecurities that you need to dealt with. The reality is that we can are all fallible, imperfect, and as much as we would like to deny it, human. To embrace this idea is the first step out of that egocentric prison you’ve made for yourself in your mind and the first action you can take toward happiness in your career.
But back to my student and his comment….
Something about his snarky tone struck a dissonant chord in me and it made me ask myself the question: “How ‘good’ are you, Brian?” In trying to get myself back to a healthy place in my mind that will allow me to operate & execute with a high level of consistency and possibly get me back into my Flow State, here’s what I came up with.
1) I am “good” enough to meet the demands of any gig or recording session that anyone will call me for today.
I have consistently worked long and hard, over more than four decades, to make sure that I have the skills and knowledge necessary to play almost any kind music that someone will call me to play on any given day. Additionally, I still make it a daily point to hone and refine my skills behind the drums to fill in any gaps in my skillsets or my knowledge base.
2) I am good enough to know when I can’t do something well and am humble enough to ask for help when/where needed.
I am not infallible. I am not a God on the drums. But I do not need to be either of those things to play with a high level of consistency that might, in the right situations, appear to be Mastery on my chosen instrument.
If there is something I cannot do and that skill is needed for an upcoming musical job, I always make it a point to seek out the knowledge I need from a book, video, recording, and/or many times, an actual expert in that particular skill or style.
I also know how to do my homework and prepare for any gig or recording session. By putting in the necessary amount of time and effort beforehand, I can assure myself that I will serve the music and the other musicians I am working with adequately for the situation that we are about to find ourselves in together. That is all anyone can or should expect from me. I will show up prepared and ready to play. Which brings me to #3!
3) I am “good enough” on this instrument that I have worked consistently, week in and week out, for almost 30 years with a large number of masterful professional musicians (…and many of whom have resumes which are much more star-studded than mine).
I have paid my mortgage and utilities every month for more than 18 years utilizing my skills behind the drums. When I look at the remainder of my 2022 calendar, I see that I have paying live gigs and recording sessions every single week for the rest of the year. Additionally, I get calls almost every day to fill in any calendar spots I may currently have open. I am firmly planted in the “Music Business Middle Class” thanks to my current level of ability on the drums and my past track record on professional gigs and sessions.
While I have diversified my portfolio of creative skills (i.e. audio engineering, music production, video editing, writing, teaching, product development, consulting, marketing, etc.), a large portion of my income over the last 27+ years has and continues to come from my skills as a drummer. Even during a global lockdown and economic downturn, I was able to keep my bills paid and my family fed thanks to the skills I have cultivated as a drummer.
So, when I take this more objective look at my situation, my insecurity tends to quickly dissipate and I get myself back to a calm, confident place in my mind. Those unhealthy feelings of doubt and insecurity don’t stay around long when I allow my more rational, evidence-based thoughts take over.
As far as that student goes, there are so many different snarky quips I could have leveled him with. I do have some small shred of an ego left in me and it would have loved to put that kid in his place while simultaneously sending a message to his Father to not test me or my patience. Unfortunately, there is still that small dark place, deep inside my psyche, that I can access if I so choose. But, I know that it is equally as cancerous and deadly as my insecurity. So, I make it a point to NEVER go there.
Instead, I just told the kid, “Tell your Pops to search for Brian Stephens and Drums on YouTube. I’m sure he will find plenty there to help him make up his own mind. See you next week!”